WHY?!

At 8DPO, I got too cocky and decided to test on a Target brand digital test. Why, oh why did I get so excited?! Of course, it was negative. I expected it to be. I knew it would be.  But I went ahead and tested anyway.  Even if the cramping I had experienced on Wednesday (at 6DPO) was implantation cramping, I wouldn't experience a positive test until 72 hours after that, which is tomorrow. And even then, I'm hesitant.

Baby shoes I ordered out of excitement weeks ago came today and made me feel even more apprehensive. I'm so scared that it didn't work. I doubt myself continuously. Maybe I ovulated too late, or too early, or we didn't inseminate close enough to my cervix, or maybe I didn't ovulate at all! Sigh. Can I just get my positive already?!

So today is officially 7 days since we inseminated, and I'm feeling still fairly positive.  I've been eating right, working out, and generally trying to stay positive.  I've had some cramping in my right since about 4PM yesterday, which is different from last cycle.  My breasts have had some pain, and I had major heartburn yesterday.  However, I think this may just be residual from the Clomid.  I'm trying not to read too hard into symptoms, but it's so difficult.  AF is due on Thursday, so we'll know for sure then.  Fingers crossed we got it right this time though!

The wife has been SO supportive of me and all of this.  She's very excited that hopefully something transpires this time.  We were so fortunate and I believe the timing was great, so fingers crossed that our little nugget is growing!

Day after insemination!

We tried it again!

On Wednesday, after getting test after test of negatives, I got a very strong second line on my OPK.  Always wanting to jump the gun, I texted my wife and she said to order our swimmers!  Luckily, they were receiving a shipment of our number one donor that afternoon.  I was able to (at the behest of my supervisor) leave work early to go pick them up before the office closed.  

I tested Wednesday at 7:00PM and got a line as dark as the control line.  Our Nurse Practitioner said to inseminate around 12-24 hours after a positive OPK, so Thursday at around 4:00PM we inseminated.  Things were much less awkward and more efficient this time around.  I'm definitely trying to stay positive and know that things will work out for the best, even if it doesn't happen this time around.  

I've been having family issues these last few weeks that have taken a huge toll on my mental health.  It hurts me so badly to know that we could be starting a family and some members aren't going to cherish the memories that we begin with our little one. At a concert on Wednesday, when the artist was singing personal songs about the pain of a parent who doesn't want you, I just lost it.  But I know that I have to keep going, for my wife and our future family.  I'm going to be stronger than that, and I'm not going to give my child that kind of life.  I will always remember to put my baby's health and well-being ahead of mine.  I'll never let my child feel unwanted or helpless.  I don't even have this baby yet and I already know I would do anything to make sure it gets a happy healthy life, full of everything it could ever want.  

Sorry for the emotions, things are just difficult right now! But we'll get through it.

Happy Friday!

But first, an introduction!

Hello and welcome!

I need a place to write and vent and discuss our story, and this seems like a good enough place.

Let's start from the beginning:

two late twenties women looking to start a family.

We've been together for nearly nine years, married for three, and ready to expand our love to someone else.

Three dogs, three rabbits, and a cat all ready to meet their new sibling.

Looking to relocate from Los Angeles area to somewhere new and inviting for same sex families - we have our heart set on Seattle.

After much searching, we found an anoymous frozen donor, and did an intracervical insemination in July at 12 hours after OPK was positive - which was unsuccessful. On to cycle 2, which is assisted with 100 mg of Clomid on cycle days 5-9.

Thank you for reading and I hope to post all my things soon!